Clipse - Fast Life

Take two of the most talented rappers in Hip-Hop who, feeling shunned by the prodigious talent that gave them what may be the best album of 2006, tag Scott 'Why the fuck did I waste all my money' Storch to produce their big street single and what you get is Fast Life, a tacky affair in which Storch proves once again that he learned absolutely nothing under Dre. The beat, yet another cheesy take on the cheap-means-simple ethos so many producers seem to ascribe to, totters along with all the imagination of, well, a Scott Storch beat. You'd think after spending so much time under ?uestlove and Dre, the two biggest perfectionists in Hip-Hop, he'd learn to mix a nice-sounding drum track every now and then. It's not so much that Pusha and Malice themselves are the problem here. It's not like they're risking the alienation of fans by rapping about anything other than coke. I'm just disappointed that their musical future without The Neptunes seems doomed to D-Block status.

Swing and a fucking miss.

G-Unit - Terminate on Sight

Does 50 Cent love Hip-Hop? Has he ever loved Hip-Hop? Judging from the countless mixtapes G-Unit have released over the years it seems pretty likely. Hilarious skits, a more-than-passing familiarity with the roots of New York Hip-Hop and, most importantly, great songs fill tapes such as 50 Cent is the Future, God's Plan and the surprising trilogy of Thisis50.com tapes. So they love Hip-Hop. Why has it never translated over to the commercially released Interscope/G-Unit/Aftermath records? Since 2003 50, Lloyd Banks and Tony Yayo have plumbed the depths of Dr. Dre's gangsta rap blueprint, ignoring the harsh irony of N.W.A. and the playfulness that punctuated Doggystyle for the stark 'reality' that lay on the surface of these records. 5 years on and it's evident that without the nuance and complexity of Dr. Dre's classic work, G-Unit has nothing.

Terminate On Sight is the latest in a long line of 50 Cent related records that pushes the formula established by Get Rich Or Die Trying to it's breaking point. The music echoes with Dre's far reaching influence although neither he nor any Aftermath producer has any obvious input. The album opens with 'Straight Outta Southside', the most obvious homage to G-Unit's roots to date. References to Sean Bell, gun-play and expensive liquor abound with none of the self-conscious commentary that made the original an enduring song. Lloyd Banks sounds bored. Tony Yayo sounds animated. 50 Cent sounds off-beat. Nothing much changes in G-Unit's world, it seems. The album moves along quickly with a host of Dre soundalikes (Piano Man), Timbaland soundalikes (I Don't Want to Talk About It) and, surprisingly, more Dre soundalikes (everything else). Curtis Jackson the businessman strikes again, employing a host of small-time producers who, despite their talent, churn out rough approximations of popular sounds. Unfortunately it seems this time around nobody's fooled. The singles languish in the depths of the Billboard Hot 100 and it seems, much like 2007's Curtis, that Terminate on Sight is doomed to a short life.

So what went wrong? Jackson's extreme cost-cutting measures and abuse of the gangsta rap blueprint to within an inch of it's life seem to be the main culprits in Terminate on Sight's spectacularly boring failure. G-Unit now sound like throwaway copies of themselves, rehashing the same topics over the same beats with the same style. The cover shot says it all with a highly stylized and extensively photoshopped Unit committing a false crime in a fake environment. No matter how much 50 blusters, bullshits or threatens, the public has moved on and G-Unit has been left catering to a demographic that no longer exists.

M.I.A. cancels shows, hates U.K.

She probably doesn't actually hate the U.K. but she's trying. Bonnaroo was reportedly her last show ever and she's cancelled her forthcoming U.K. tour due to 'exhaustion'. Hopefully she'll still be working on her third album but you can't do M.I.A. without the insanely party-tastic live shows.

Pharrell can't actually be that bad

Obviously he's proven everyone wrong with Seeing Sounds. I'll be writing up a review for it very soon but on first impression it seems like Pharrell doesn't even care about lyrics. Of course, it's hard to mind much considering how diverse and (for lack of a better word) alive N*E*R*D/The Neptunes are sounding again. It would be great to hear them bring that urgency to the acts they produce for. In fact, it would just be great in general if Chad Hugo started writing with Pharrell again. They only co-wrote four of Seeing Sounds' twelve tracks, with Pharrell pulling the rest himself. What's going on? Regardless, Pharrell is obviously doing the Neptunes sound justice - their signature bridges are back (and fucking awesome).

Post-script - If you live in Australia, never work for the big music retailers. Virgin/Sanity/HMV is a self-cannibilising, McDonalds-diet beast.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Hollywood seems to be stuck in a nostalgic cycle. Sex And The City, a show-turned-film about four sex-obsessed grandmothers, is driving middle-aged women everywhere wild. Maybe after they leave the cinema they can go grab a copy of Hard Candy. The X-Files is back (what?). Comic book adaptations are even more prevalent now than they were in 2001, when all we had to worry about were the X-Men and Spider-Man. And if that weren't enough to cause a mass infantilisation of society Indiana Jones is back. It took Harrison Ford, Steven Spielberg and George Lucas 17 years to agree on the fourth entry into the franchise and nothing much has changed.

The key to Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull is the nostalgia it banks upon to jog the minds of moviegoers. Many of us are too young to have fully understood the hype behind the Indy films but I still remember being given a copy of The Fate of Atlantis when my family had just gotten our Pentium 486 (By the way, best game ever). Ford's character is an unavoidable part of our culture and it's not surprising to see so many families fill up local cinemas to catch a viewing 2 weeks after the film opened. The opening scenes set the mood perfectly, dropping Indy in the iconic warehouse from Raiders of the Lost Ark after being kidnapped by Russians, then proceeding to throw him from one immediately recognisable backdrop to the next. I won't spoil anything for those of you who haven't seen it yet but make sure you keep your eye out when you do.

As I said, nostalgia is what carries this film. Spielberg recreated the comic-book style of the previous films as closely as possible, even disregarding many of his own accomplishments as a director since 1989 to stay true to the source material. George Lucas' story (thankfully) doesn't veer into childish sentimentality and stereotyped sidekicks. Perhaps he's realised just how bad the Star Wars prequels are. Some criticism has been leveled at the perceived outrageousness of the story - clearly, these writers have either never seen the original Indiana Jones trilogy or they've just forgotten that overblown grandstanding is what makes Indiana Jones what it (and he) is. Harrison Ford is once again the star of the film. He acts well for a film that doesn't need a decent actor. His interactions with Mutt and Marianne Ravenwood are genuine and funny. Cate Blanchett also adds to the cheesiness of the event with an awful Russian accent.

What can be said about the film that hasn't been said, though? People expected Crystal Skull to be something that it couldn't be, something new. The franchise has been built on 40's and 50's serials, it was never going to break established boundaries. What it did do, and what is still does, is provide fluffy action/comedy films that are so meticulously crafted while remaining genuine that you can't help but love them. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls is another great entry into the series. It's overblown, funny, stupid and pointless, and that's exactly what we should expect from Indy.